With the chaotic evenings of rushing kids around, throwing meals in the crockpot and collapsing in bed with exhaustion, it can often be difficult to connect with your spouse about how their day was or to have a quiet, uninterrupted conversation. There is often noise all around us and internal clutter exists from our ever-growing to do list. As convenient as calendars and texting are .... sometimes we have to make a solid effort to physically connect with our spouse. In our home, we have found that if we aren't solid, that the household isn't solid. If we aren't communicating well, that distance turns into disconnect.

Here are some easy ways that we are currently connecting more intimately throughout the month:

  1. We protect our time together. We have a solid morning date on Sundays at home. We sleep in a bit and wake up slowly over a large pot of coffee. We talk about our week, life and goals. I work on our weekly meal plan and grocery shopping list and we chat about the upcoming schedule for the week and what we need from each other and for ourselves. This simple 60-90 mins before the rest of the family is up, really has been a great way to make sure we are connecting.
  2. Make a playlist that connects you. You all know that I love music and my playlists. But I've also assembled a group of songs that conects us. We play this during our Sunday morning dates, while we sip coffee. It includes songs that I have identified our relationship with, songs from our wedding day or artists that we've seen together in concert. It's a great way to set the tone and the mood for our time together and puts both of us in a great space. You can also use the playlist to connect more intimately and dance in your living room.
  3. Create date night discussions. We have found that when we have this downtime together or go out on a date that we often talk about the kids, work or sometimes can't think of things to talk about. I guess that's called "life". But, I also started keeping a list in my phone called "Date Night Discussions". I use this everyday and during our quality time together as converation starters. It's great when sometimething happens during my day or when someone shares a recommendation with me or if there is something funny that happened. Instead of sending him a quick text during the day, I jot it down on my phone.
  4. Touch base in the morning. If you are able to start your day together at home, try enjoying a cup of coffee or give each other a quick hug before you pick up your phones and check email in the morning. We often start the day with an "I love you" text or "Have a great day". We never see each other in the mornings and start our busy day at very different times. This is just an efficient way to connect and let the other person that we are still connected.
  5. Pair up with an app. A client introduced me to the Paired app several months ago. And we have been using it almost daily. There is a paid version of the app. Though we use the free version that gives you a new question or quiz every morning. You aren't able to review your partner's answers until after you've answered the questions yourself. There is also an end of the month survey where you each reflect on various aspects of your relationship and your household for the previous month. It's been an easy way to connect with each other throughout our day and week, see where we have common themes and where our feelings may differ. It's created additional dialogue for our Sunday morning dates.
  6. Thank each other. We have found that a little "thanks" goes a long way. We have roles that we each typically do for our household and then we each also take on other tasks when needed. Also, thanking each other for your help - even when it's something that your spouse always does (like emptying the dishwasher or dropping a kid off so that you could head to the gym), really makes the other spouse feel appreciated and seen. By asking "How can I help you" or "What do you need to make you feel better today" is also quite helpful to building bonds.
  7. Regular dates. Lastly, we try to schedule a monthly date together. Ideally, we would like this to happen much more often. But, that's just not in the cards right now. This doesn't have to be a fancy night out to dinner or a big concert or show. Sometime we utilize a few hours to go to the gym together or navigate the neighborhood on a run. Sometimes we visit a local coffee shop or run some errands together. For a treat, we use an overnight to try a new supper club and sleep in the next morning. Sometimes we stay home and just enjoy each other. Even if the dates are brief and small - consider them something big and exciting -- because they are!